Orange Generation / Wu Yuntian
(Tangerine Trouble / Reader Submission)I married late, and I have already reached the age of 40. If I want to have a child, it is considered an advanced maternal age, so I want to go with the flow, and I think it’s okay to live with only two people, but because my husband is the only child in the family, my mother-in-law still wants When I want to have grandchildren, I will suggest from time to time that I have worked hard to be a person, and I will cook special supplements for me, that makes me very stressed How can I express it appropriately so that my mother-in-law will not be disappointed and give me more space? (Miss Zhang, Taichung)
The phenomenon of late marriage has become more and more common. There are not a few women who get married after the age of 40. Maturity itself can have multiple life pressures, including hormonal changes, career development, having elders to take care of or having children Newlyweds at this age, face the problem of having children, their physical condition deteriorates, and their body and mind are tested even more.
There should be a healthy boundary, first reach a consensus with your husband
Xu Zhuyuan, a counseling psychologist, pointed out that such problems usually arise because the mother-in-law interferes in the plans between husband and wife. If the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law to be good, the husband needs to be involved instead, because in such a situation, there are two systems of relationships The key points are “between husband and wife” and “between parents and children”. The two systems need to be operated separately. When it comes to giving birth, it is easy for a daughter-in-law to find a mother-in-law directly and have poor communication, because the husband and wife must reach a consensus first, and the husband can communicate with his parents more smoothly.
Xu Zhuyuan analyzed that when falling in love before marriage, there are only two people in the world, but marriage is also related to the relationship between husband and mother-in-law. Therefore, it is recommended to talk to your husband first, expressing that you are starting to feel pressured by such a situation, and then let your husband try to communicate with your mother.Of course, the way of expression is also very important, don’t use emotional words, like “your mother is like this”.
meaning isOn the line of relationship between husband and wife, effective communication is necessary, and then the communication between husband and mother-in-law (parent-child) will be smooth.Moreover, when a consensus has been reached with her husband, her heart is more stable, and she will not have the lonely emotion of “feeling alone”. Xu Zhuyuan noted that in many cases, facing the new family situation is very difficult, but they have to face it alone.
in addition,Some husbands will tell their mother-in-law exactly what their wives said,It is also necessary to distinguish what kind of communication your husband is, and after digesting it, think about how to express it well, so as not to cause misunderstanding.
Do you have to meet the expectations of the other party?
Xu Zhuyuan said, in fact, the mother-in-law and our growth background are different, and it has nothing to do with what is right or wrong. The mother- in-law used to pay attention to her children’s marriage because the culture she lived in the past was like this, especially in Chinese culture. So we must also recognize that no matter who we are, we will have expectations for each other in the relationship, “But we can choose to perceive, which ones are reasonable for us? Do I want to be satisfied?”
Some people think they have no choice but to meet their expectations, so they have psychological pressure and negative emotions, but we can choose whether we want to meet the other party’s expectations or not.
Build yourself a psychological fortress
Xu Zhuyuan said that in order to reduce psychological pressure, when giving supplements to her mother-in-law, you can stop guessing her mother-in-law’s motives. I don’t know if her mother-in-law has expressed her opinion clearly, very tiredly,You should take care of your heart first.
“Identify others based on the world I believe in. ” This is a general feature of human nature pointed out by psychology. Xu Zhuyuan said that to build a fortress for one’s own heart, others may not be what she thinks. Perhaps her mother-in-law is particularly fond of taking care of others. We can use “Mom, I told you I like to eat pig’s feet, lots of collagen, next time I have a chance to cook pig’s feet?” to create a positive interaction.
In addition, Xu Zhuyuan said that it is not necessarily the best to communicate with the mother-in-law alone. There may be members in the family who can start a dialogue with the mother-in-law. You can also try to come from helper length The next step is to choose a method of communication that makes the mother-in-law feel comfortable.
More Orange Generation related articles
Is it ok to live apart without divorcing? 2 types of couples are most common
Getting older, but the chances of meeting the right person are getting smaller and smaller… When facing the anxiety of aging, experts directly recommend doing “this thing”
Was Diu Diumei “cleaned up” after her divorce? Lawyer: That’s very smart!
