Haley Harrison, Idaho State, is still fighting from the dark

The darkness is rolling in like an invisible fog, passing all ideas, consolidating until the internal facial is insurmountable.

Haley Harrison took a face to relieve her claw, swallowing the mental pain to avoid any weakness. A senior senior player at Idaho State, she was teaching all her life to be mentally strong, to reduce vulnerabilities.

Three times the darkness – and the weight he was trying to suppress him – Harrison was overwhelmed. There was no way out at her mind exhausted only at the bottom of a pill bottle.

And Harrison's third suicide attempt has arrived in an escape way.

She received an appropriate diagnosis, not just the “face” you heard so many times. She got the help, the medication she wanted to avoid after the path that her brother took more than ten years ago.

The dark thoughts are still there. At least now Harrison can recognize when the mental illness is trying to accept him, find ways to bring him safe.

“That's not what I have more of the ideas, but I say to myself that it will be okay; although this is happening, it will be okay, ”she said. “Maybe it won't be better tomorrow or the next day, but eventually it will be better and I will have better ideas in my head.”

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, the suicide rate for college students is 7.5 suicides per 100,000 students.

The student athlete's suicide rate is lower, 0.93 per 100,000.

The numbers translate when he is looking for help.

A survey by associate professor of the University of Michigan School of Public Health Daniel Eisenberg showed that 33% of students had significant symptoms of depression, anxiety or other mental health issues. 30% of these asked for help.

College athletes? Only 10%.

It is difficult for anyone to identify or even recognize mental health issues.

For athletes, it is a stigma, it goes against everything covered by coaches and parents since they were young.

Weaknesses limit your ability to progress. The weakness will be used among the competitors. Lets weakness for colleagues down.

The darkness inside, with pressure, is a weakness inside the building such as a water filled balloon.

“We don't teach people how to express our feelings and deal with them properly, so they're going to bury them inside,” said Dr. . “Then he confuses him and is like a hydraulic process; You are shaking a soda bottle, it is just to release it. ”

Haley did not understand 9 years of age on the role of an coroner when she saw the parked car outside her house.

It was Saturday morning. Her father, Randy, gave McDonald's home and Haley was preparing for a soft football game.

The coroner came to tell the Harrisons that Allan had committed suicide, his 20-year-old son, turning their lives upside down.

“I didn't even know what the suicide was,” said Haley. “I just saw my parents break down, crying. I said, agus Mom and Dad, what's going on? 'It was obvious that they couldn't explain to me that my brother was no longer around. ”

Harrison's first glimpse into the darkness, even if she could not understand it immediately, was the shadow of the rest of her life.

Suicide survivors often feel guilty and responsible. They can have a wide range of feelings, from intense anger and resentment to shame and worthlessness.

Anxiety and depression can be extremely big.

“She had a huge impact on herself and all of us, until today, without knowing why,” said Haley's mother, Cheryl. “No one is kind, so it's probably even more internalized. He was very close to his little sister and I'm sure he was very traumatic. ”

The first attempt at Haley's suicide came at 14. She showed signs of depression and had swing swings, but often remains full of mental illness hidden in the mind areas.

Haley spent a week in a mental institution, and carried out harmful tests. She was diagnosed as depression, maintained an antidepressant slide.

Haley hated the way the tires felt and stopped building them, returning to the veneer on the outside, mentally mastering inside.

Even after she has become an athlete of the Division I in Utah Valley University to fulfill a lifelong dream, her mind began to progress again.

Haley reached out to the team doctor and prescribed more antidepressants to her, against her best wishes.

She was sick, lost 20 pounds. Harassing or not getting much support from colleagues, Haley tried to commit suicide a second time.

“I just felt isolated and no one was helping me, no one wanted to help me,” Haley said. “The stigma behind mental health does not recognize how people act. They do not know how to help the time. ”

The stigma has been released in recent years as more athletes have gone public.

Olympic swimmer Mark Phelps recently demonstrated his fight against depression and suicidal thoughts after he had drunk second drives. He was in partnership with Talkspace, who provide online therapy.

NBA All-Star Kevin Love wrote a piece of the first person in Tribers' Tribune last year describing his battles with anxiety and depression, including the panic attack he suffered at half-time of a game in 2017.

NFL receiver, Brandon Marshall, took the same thing, specifying his mental health difficulties and the 2011 diagnosis of border personality disorder in Tribers' Tribune.

Haley made the difficult and courageous decision to share her mental health difficulties following her third suicide attempt, telling the story of the Idaho athletics website which took her months to get the words and message right.

“For athletes to share the experience of mental health, he realizes that people understand that I am not in this struggle,” said Dr. Cauthen. “It helps to normalize such situations at a completely new level.”

After a second attempt at suicide, Haley had another hospital path, withdrew from the Utah Valley.

Her career was on the soft road around.

Or she thought.

Idaho State coach, Candi Letts, Haley recruited from her high school in Las Vegas area and learned from a former coach she had left in the Utah Valley.

Haley's soft career, resurrection.

The dark, still rotting.

Within a month of coming to Pocatello, the self-destructive thoughts began to turn around Haley's mind again. With her parents back in Henderson, Nevada, and the team about to start practicing, Haley tried to commit suicide for the third time.

Letts intervened.

In the time she trained Haley, Letts noticed depression; the highlights and the lows, the personality varies.

So, when Haley was not practicing for the exercise, Letts was not wearing him but there was only another missing player. She went to Haley's apartment.

“Her little friend, her puppy, was at the door but I wasn't really pleased to see it,” Letts said. “I saw that Haley didn't have a good situation. I got to practice with me, I went, I made sure she didn't do anything to hurt herself even though she took some pills that she shouldn't have taken.

Haley was given an ultimatum. If she wanted to continue playing, she would have to go home and get a proper diagnosis.

She made. After another week in a mental health facility, she finally got the answer she wanted in the last decade: bipolar disorder 2 and border personality disorder.

Haley is a good mental plane by the diagnosis, the proper medication, the support of Idaho State and the home.

The internal struggle remains, probably the rest of their lives. Haley now has the potential to refrain – or ask for help at least when she needs it.

“I don't think I have to hide it because the people around me understand what I'm doing,” she said. “I'm just comfortable with myself and I know what's going on in my head and I'm there to support me.” T

Haley, 23 years old is now, two years without suicide attempts. She is in the Idaho State Master program for athletics administration and can pursue a career in sport.

She will continue to fight the darkness every day.

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Online: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org

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More sports AP: https://apnews.com/apf-sports and https://twitter.com/AP_Sports

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