10 Ways to Be a Better Parent
- As a seasoned child therapist-and a father of two-I've found that these 10 strategies help parents raise happy, confident, and emotionally secure kids.
- We won't and can't do all of these 10 things all the time.
- Saying yes to your child means loosening the reins and indulging them a little.
As a seasoned child therapist-and a father of two-I’ve found that these 10 strategies help parents raise happy, confident, and emotionally secure kids.
Having mentioned that, none of us parents are perfect. We won’t and can’t do all of these 10 things all the time. And some of the 10 items below may not feel natural or comfortable for you, and that’s OK too.We only have to be a good-enough parent.
1. Say yes as frequently enough as you can
Table of Contents
- 1. Say yes as frequently enough as you can
- 2. Talk first to the emotions, then the intellect
- 3. Play with your kid like a kid, and let them lead
- 4. Use humor
- Understanding Children’s Feelings of Powerlessness
- the Importance of Repairing Relationships with Children
- Breaking News Check (2026/01/26 13:02:56): A search for recent developments in child psychology and attachment theory reveals ongoing research but no significant breaking news that fundamentally alters the established principles of emotional regulation, secure attachment, or the importance of repair in parent-child relationships.The links provided remain current and authoritative as of this date.
Saying yes to your child means loosening the reins and indulging them a little. It means being as flexible as you can while still setting clear limits as you normally would. As a notable example, let them make a fort from blankets, pillows, and couch cushions, knowing this will create more work for you, cleaning up later. Let them paint their bike. Let them invent a cookie recipe which you help them make and bake, knowing it will likely be barely edible.
You get the idea.
When we say yes, we’re really saying, “What you want is critically important to me. You are critically important to me.”
Ultimately, saying yes builds a child’s self-esteem and self-worth.
2. Talk first to the emotions, then the intellect
When your 5-year-old asks, “What happens to Grandma now that she died?” hold off on explaining about death, funerals, the circle of life, heaven, etc. Yes, the question sounds intellectual, but so frequently enough kids are really trying to express emotions. In this case, first invite your child to talk about how they feel about grandma’s death.
If your child has trouble identifying or expressing their feelings, you can try naming what you suspect your child might feel.
After you’ve attended to the emotions, then see if your child wants to talk about their initial, intellectual-sounding question.
3. Play with your kid like a kid, and let them lead
Get down on the floor and play.Laugh. Be silly. Stop worrying about making sense. Stop trying to teach.
As easy as this sounds, for many parents, this is actually really tough. Just do your best!
Try to follow your kid’s lead: let them tell you how to play. Let them be the boss. They know it’s just play, that they’re not really the boss, but it’s enough for them to feel empowered for a little while.
it’s about connecting with your child at their level. It’s important bonding time. And it sends the message, “You’re important.I like being with you. You’re worthwhile and lovable.”
4. Use humor
Like playing with your child, using humo
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Understanding Children’s Feelings of Powerlessness
Children frequently experience feelings of being small and powerless, which can manifest as a range of emotions. These feelings are a normal part of development, stemming from a child’s inherent dependence on caregivers and their limited control over their habitat. Developmental psychology research confirms that children’s emotional regulation skills are still developing, making them particularly vulnerable to feeling overwhelmed by strong emotions like anger, sadness, fear, and helplessness. Child Mind Institute highlights that recognizing and validating these feelings is crucial for healthy emotional development.
the Importance of Repairing Relationships with Children
Repairing relationships after a conflict is a vital component of secure attachment and healthy child development. Repair involves acknowledging the impact of one’s actions on the child and actively working to restore the connection. Zero to Three emphasizes that consistent repair experiences teach children that relationships can withstand conflict and that they are worthy of love and connection even when mistakes are made. The process is more effective than simply apologizing and requires a three-step approach: acknowledging the child’s feelings, offering an apology, and describing efforts to improve future behavior.
Components of Effective Repair
- Acknowledging Feelings: The first step in repairing a relationship is to explicitly recognize and validate the child’s emotional experience. This demonstrates empathy and shows the child that their feelings are important. Harvard’s Center on the Developing Child explains that “serve and return” interactions, where a caregiver responds sensitively to a child’s cues, build strong brain connections and emotional resilience.
- Offering an Apology: A sincere apology demonstrates accountability and respect for the child’s feelings. It should be specific and avoid minimizing the impact of the caregiver’s actions. The American Psychological Association notes that effective apologies include expressions of regret, acceptance of responsibility, and a promise not to repeat the behavior.
- Describing Efforts to Improve: The final step involves outlining concrete steps the caregiver will take to prevent similar situations in the future. This demonstrates a commitment to growth and reinforces the child’s sense of safety and security. UNICEF’s parenting resources advocate for positive discipline strategies that focus on teaching and guiding children rather than relying on punishment.
Primary Entity: Child Development/Parent-Child Relationship
Related Entities: Child Mind Institute, Zero to Three, Harvard center on the Developing Child, American Psychological Association, UNICEF.