The Science of Staying Connected: Strengthening Relationships Through Intentionality
Relationships are fundamental to human well-being. Research consistently demonstrates that individuals in happy, committed relationships experience better overall health and increased longevity. But maintaining a flourishing partnership requires more than just affection; it demands conscious effort and a commitment to specific, evidence-based practices.
Many relationships, while not necessarily dysfunctional, can become stagnant, falling into what’s often described as “roommate syndrome”—a state characterized by a lack of emotional and physical intimacy. Simply showering a partner with gifts or gestures on occasions like Valentine’s Day isn’t enough to revitalize a relationship that has lost its spark. A more sustained and intentional approach is needed.
Six Research-Backed Strategies for a Stronger Bond
Fortunately, a growing body of research identifies concrete actions couples can take to strengthen their connection, not just on special occasions, but as part of their daily lives.
1. Prioritize Positivity
Flourishing marriages aren’t defined by the absence of conflict, but by the consistent presence of positivity—expressed through warmth, affection, and genuine appreciation. Research shows that positivity broadens perspectives, improves communication, and acts as a buffer against stress, helping couples navigate challenges more effectively.
However, positivity doesn’t simply happen; it requires intentional cultivation. While positive emotions often flow freely in the early stages of a relationship, they tend to diminish over time. Emotion researcher Barbara Fredrickson suggests proactively “prioritizing positivity” by incorporating activities that evoke positive emotions in both partners into daily routines. The key is to deliberately build positivity into everyday life, rather than waiting for it to occur spontaneously.
2. Express Gratitude
Gratitude is a powerful force in relationships. Defined as an affirmation of the good things in life and the recognition that those good things come from outside oneself, gratitude is consistently linked to individual well-being and, crucially, to relationship satisfaction. Everyone appreciates feeling valued and acknowledged.
A lack of appreciation is a common contributor to relationship breakdown. Being intentional about expressing gratitude—and being specific about what you’re grateful for—can make a significant difference. Instead of offering vague praise, acknowledge specific actions, efforts, or qualities you admire in your partner.
3. Be Fully Engaged—Savor Your Partner
In today’s busy world, it’s easy to get caught up in the demands of daily life and miss opportunities for genuine connection. Meaningful moments can pass unnoticed as we rush from one task to another.
Life is composed of moments, and those moments are all we truly have. Researchers Fred Bryant and Joseph Veroff have demonstrated the powerful impact of savoring on relationships. Slowing down and fully immersing oneself in a moment deepens the bond between partners. Dedicate 15 minutes each day—morning or evening—to focus entirely on your partner, free from distractions like phones or multitasking. Give them your undivided attention.
4. Celebrate the Good News
Supporting a partner during difficult times is essential, but research suggests that actively celebrating their successes may be even more important for long-term relationship health. Couples who share in each other’s joys report greater happiness and stability.
Positive events occur more frequently than negative ones, yet we often pay more attention to the latter. This means we may be overlooking everyday opportunities to connect with our partner. When your partner shares good news, resist the urge to respond passively. Instead, stop what you’re doing, give them your full attention, ask questions, and genuinely share in their excitement.
5. Be Curious
Many couples fondly remember the early days of their relationship, when they were eager to learn everything about each other. This curiosity often fades over time as couples fall into routines and assume they already know everything there is to know about their partner. What we have is a misconception.
People are constantly evolving, and relationships must evolve with them. Research indicates that curiosity can help maintain the spark in a relationship. Reawaken that initial curiosity by asking questions, exploring your partner’s current interests, and learning about their hopes, dreams, and goals.
6. Meaning Making
Relationships provide a powerful framework for creating shared meaning in life. Marriages aren’t isolated entities; they are interwoven with families, communities, and shared values.
Creating a marital mission statement—a deliberate articulation of the values, virtues, and goals that define the relationship—can be a meaningful practice. Regularly revisiting and refining this statement can help couples stay aligned and focused on their shared purpose. Ask yourselves: What does our marriage stand for? What greater purpose are we serving together?
Building and maintaining a flourishing relationship is an ongoing process. It requires consistent intention, attention, and a willingness to invest in the connection. No single gesture or gift can magically transform a relationship; it’s the cumulative effect of small, deliberate actions practiced daily that will enable love to grow, flourish, and endure.
