Sitting in a doctor’s office in January 2023, Eloise Milewski and her partner, Marli, were filled with anticipation. The couple was finally ready to begin their IVF journey to parenthood, but their excitement quickly soured. Their doctor, a man, appeared uncomfortable with the idea of two 19-year-old women wanting to start a family, stumbling over simple terms like “couple” and “partners.” He dismissively suggested they would likely face years of waiting, a prediction that proved inaccurate.
Despite this initial discouraging experience, Milewski and her partner persevered. They eventually found a clinic and a physician who offered warmth and support, ultimately leading to the birth of their son, Freddie. Their story highlights the challenges faced by same-sex couples navigating the complexities of assisted reproductive technologies, and the importance of finding affirming and understanding healthcare providers.
The couple’s experience underscores a broader issue within the healthcare system: a lack of consistent understanding and support for diverse family structures. While societal acceptance of LGBTQ+ families has grown, healthcare practices haven’t always kept pace. The initial doctor’s discomfort, and his dismissive attitude, reflects a lingering bias that can create barriers to care.
Milewski and her partner’s journey wasn’t solely defined by external prejudice. They also encountered the medical hurdles common to many undergoing IVF. After an initial consultation, Milewski discovered a blocked fallopian tube, necessitating IVF treatment. This discovery, coupled with the emotional and physical demands of the process – including counseling, injections, and numerous tests – added to the complexity of their path to parenthood.
Financial considerations also played a role. Fortunately, the couple was eligible for National Health Service (NHS) funding, alleviating some of the financial burden associated with IVF. However, they were aware that this support might not be available in the future, should they decide to expand their family.
The IVF process itself wasn’t without complications. During the pregnancy, Milewski experienced heavy bleeding at 12 weeks, leading to the discovery that she had been carrying identical twins, one of whom was not viable. This loss was deeply upsetting, but she delivered a healthy baby, Freddie.
Throughout their journey, Milewski and her partner found strength in sharing their experiences online, documenting their IVF process and pregnancy on social media platforms like TikTok and Instagram. This created a supportive community and allowed them to connect with others facing similar challenges. While they encountered some negative comments and judgment, particularly regarding their age and same-sex relationship, they remained focused on their goal of building a family.
The couple’s story also touches upon the evolving landscape of family building. The rise of “one-and-done” families, as noted in recent reports, reflects a growing trend of individuals and couples choosing to have only one child, often due to financial constraints, career priorities, or the emotional toll of fertility treatments. However, for Milewski and her partner, the desire for a larger family remains strong, and they are already considering future IVF cycles.
Milewski’s experience highlights the importance of advocating for oneself within the healthcare system. Seeking a female doctor, as she wished she had done initially, can be a crucial step for individuals who feel their needs are not being adequately addressed. It also underscores the need for greater cultural competency training among healthcare professionals to ensure that all patients, regardless of their sexual orientation or family structure, receive respectful and affirming care.
The couple’s story, while personal, resonates with broader themes of resilience, determination, and the evolving definition of family. Their journey serves as a reminder that building a family can take many forms, and that love, commitment, and support are the most essential ingredients for success. Milewski plans to donate any remaining embryos when she reaches 40, hoping to help other families achieve their dreams of parenthood.
As Milewski and her partner look to the future, they hope their story will inspire others and contribute to a more inclusive and supportive healthcare environment for all.
