Chicago Tribune: Friendgiving Exclusion Sparks Debate
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The Dilemma: A Shift in Thanksgiving Tradition
A reader writes to an advice columnist, expressing her disappointment and resentment towards her daughter-in-law’s decision to host a Friendsgiving dinner. She feels her “turn” to be the matriarch hosting Thanksgiving has been diminished, especially after waiting years and now having grandchildren. The introduction of friendsgiving, she believes, makes the traditional Thanksgiving less special, as everyone has already enjoyed the meal.
Understanding the Roots of Resentment
The core of this issue isn’t about the food; it’s about the symbolism and emotional weight attached to the Thanksgiving tradition. For the grandmother, hosting Thanksgiving represented a milestone – a passing of the torch, a recognition of her role as the family matriarch, and a continuation of a cherished legacy. Her parents and husband’s mother have all passed, making her the keeper of the tradition.The arrival of Friendsgiving feels like a disruption to that established order and a potential loss of significance.
It’s natural to feel protective of traditions that hold deep personal meaning. The grandmother’s feelings are valid, stemming from a sense of loss and a perceived diminishment of her role. Acknowledging these feelings is the first step towards addressing the situation constructively.
The Daughter-in-Law’s Perspective: Creating New Traditions
It’s crucial to consider the daughter-in-law’s motivations. She explicitly invites the grandmother and family to Friendsgiving, suggesting a desire to include them in her life and share her own experiences. her creation of Friendsgiving likely stems from a personal need – perhaps a lack of similar gatherings in her own upbringing. she’s building a new tradition, a space for chosen family and shared gratitude.
Friendsgiving often serves a diffrent purpose than traditional Thanksgiving. It’s frequently more casual, inclusive of friends who may not have family nearby, and focused on creating a sense of community. It’s not necessarily intended to *replace* Thanksgiving, but rather to *supplement* it.
Reframing the Situation: Two Thanksgivings are Better Than One
The advice columnist offers a valuable perspective: both Friendsgiving and traditional Thanksgiving serve different, yet equally important, purposes. instead of viewing them as competing events,it’s helpful to see them as complementary celebrations of gratitude and connection.
Here’s a breakdown of how to reframe the situation:
- Focus on the Underlying Need: Both the grandmother and daughter-in-law share a common desire – to have loved ones around them.
- Recognize Different Purposes: Friendsgiving fills a need for the daughter-in-law, while Thanksgiving honors tradition for the grandmother.
- Embrace the Abundance: Having two opportunities to celebrate gratitude and spend time with family is a gift, not a detriment.
- Shift Perspective on Leftovers: As the columnist playfully suggests,leftovers can be a delightful continuation of the celebration!