England Rugby Star Ellie Kildunne Reveals Battle With Eating Disorder
- England rugby star Ellie Kildunne has revealed she struggled with body dysmorphia and disordered eating during the coronavirus lockdown in 2020.
- Kildunne, a full-back for Harlequins and a key figure for the Red Roses, described how the isolation of the pandemic and the loss of a structured professional environment...
- During the lockdown, Kildunne was preparing for the Olympic Games as part of Great Britain's sevens squad, though the event was subsequently postponed until 2021.
England rugby star Ellie Kildunne has revealed she struggled with body dysmorphia and disordered eating during the coronavirus lockdown in 2020. The 26-year-old World Cup winner shared these personal details in her new autobiography, Game Changer
, and in interviews with BBC Sport.
Kildunne, a full-back for Harlequins and a key figure for the Red Roses, described how the isolation of the pandemic and the loss of a structured professional environment left her feeling vulnerable. She noted that the competitive nature of her career, which is defined by strict metrics and goals, led her to seek a sense of control through unhealthy behaviors when her normal routine was disrupted.
The Impact of Isolation and Control
During the lockdown, Kildunne was preparing for the Olympic Games as part of Great Britain’s sevens squad, though the event was subsequently postponed until 2021. Without access to team sessions or a gym, she shifted her focus to running, attempting to improve her times over specific distances.
This period of isolation coincided with a decline in her eating habits and an obsession with weight loss. Kildunne explained that she began eating less and would often exercise to compensate for meals, going for runs to earn
the food her friends were serving.
Our lives as athletes are surrounded by control – you’ve got to reach certain metrics on your GPS, you’re chasing weights in the gym, you’re trying to score the try, the goal, whatever This proves. Once that’s taken away from you, I think I just tried to find that sense of control in other places.
Ellie Kildunne to BBC Sport
Kildunne noted that the absence of a team environment—specifically the lack of daily contact with teammates and physiotherapists—contributed to her spiraling into these behaviors. Despite noticing that she was becoming smaller, she continued to pursue further weight loss.
Conflicting Perceptions of Physique
In her autobiography, Kildunne detailed the difficulty of navigating the different expectations placed on her body in professional sports versus her life outside of rugby. She described a disconnect between how she was viewed in different environments.
She stated that while she was considered small within the world of rugby, she felt she was considered big in her world outside the sport. This conflict left her feeling as though she did not have a place where she truly fit in or felt comfortable.
Professional Success and Mental Health
These internal struggles occurred alongside significant professional achievements. Kildunne was a pivotal part of the Red Roses’ World Cup victory, where she scored five tries. This included a solo effort in the final against Canada, played before a sell-out crowd of 82,000 at Allianz Stadium.
More recently, Kildunne has continued her success on the pitch, including a dominant victory over Ireland in the Six Nations. However, she has chosen to speak publicly about her experiences with body dysmorphia to provide courage to others facing similar challenges.
By detailing her battle in Game Changer
, Kildunne aims to highlight the mental health struggles that can remain hidden behind the public success of professional athletes.