Good Manners & Upbringing: Lydia Guatlo’s Tokyo Story

TOKYO, JAPAN – Observations of children’s behavior, particularly in public spaces, are prompting reflection on cultural differences in upbringing and discipline, with Japan frequently cited as an example of a society prioritizing early cultivation of respectful conduct. While Western parents often navigate public tantrums with varying degrees of intervention, a distinct approach is observed in Japan, where parents sometimes allow children to experience the full duration of their distress in public without immediate attempts at redirection.

This phenomenon, as noted by international parents living in Japan, isn’t necessarily indicative of indifference, but rather a reflection of a cultural emphasis on allowing children to learn self-regulation and understand social expectations. The Japanese concept of “Ma no Nisai,” or “The Terrible Twos,” is acknowledged, but the response differs from some Western approaches. Instead of immediate intervention, parents may allow the child to work through their emotions, believing that consistent expectations and a focus on public decorum are more effective in the long run.

The approach extends beyond simply allowing tantrums to run their course. It’s rooted in a broader philosophy of discipline that emphasizes private correction and public composure. This contrasts with more direct, immediate reprimands often employed by parents in other cultures, as observed by one American mother on a Tokyo train who noticed a marked difference in the behavior of her son compared to his Japanese peers.

Experts suggest that modeling good behavior is a crucial component of this upbringing. If parents demonstrate self-control and respect in their own interactions, they are better equipped to teach these values to their children. Clear expectations, consistent reinforcement of desired behaviors and patience are also cited as key elements. This isn’t to say that Japanese parents never discipline their children, but rather that the method and timing are often different.

The emphasis on good manners extends beyond simply avoiding disruptive behavior. It encompasses a broader set of values, including kindness, respect, and consideration for others. Stories designed to instill these values are readily available, offering parents and educators resources to teach children about the importance of polite behavior. These stories often focus on themes such as happiness and kindness, tidiness and joyful work, and the origins of good manners themselves.

Resources like FreeStoriesForKids.com offer a collection of short stories specifically designed to teach good manners, accompanied by creative activities to reinforce the lessons. Titles such as “Screaming with Mosquitoes,” which focuses on calm and self-control, and “The Chain of Smiles,” which highlights the contagious nature of happiness and kindness, illustrate the types of values being promoted.

Other stories, like “The Magic Tree” and “A Letter Soup,” directly address the origins and importance of good manners, emphasizing their role in creating a pleasant social atmosphere. These narratives aim to make learning about etiquette engaging and memorable for young children.

The importance of social skills development is also highlighted by educational resources, with a growing recognition of the crucial role social-emotional learning (SEL) plays in student success. Interactive read-alouds are increasingly used in classrooms to promote SEL and literacy skills, providing opportunities for discussion and reflection on topics such as respect, empathy, and responsible behavior.

Beyond specific stories and educational techniques, a broader set of habits and behaviors are often seen as indicators of a good upbringing. These include respecting others’ feelings, understanding the Golden Rule, telling the truth, and showing respect for people, places, and possessions. These qualities are not unique to Japanese culture, but their consistent emphasis and cultivation from a young age contribute to the observed differences in children’s behavior.

The focus on manners isn’t merely about social convention; it’s seen as fundamental to building a harmonious society. By teaching children to be considerate of others and to behave appropriately in public, parents and educators are contributing to a culture of respect and mutual understanding. This approach, while differing from some Western norms, reflects a deeply held belief in the importance of social responsibility and collective well-being.

As of February 4, 2026, the discussion surrounding differing approaches to child discipline continues, with Japan frequently serving as a case study in the effectiveness of prioritizing early social and emotional development. The emphasis on private correction, public composure, and consistent modeling of good behavior offers a contrasting perspective to more interventionist approaches, prompting ongoing reflection on the best ways to raise well-adjusted, respectful individuals.