The simple act of making soup. It’s a gesture of comfort, of nourishment, of love. For Heather Martin, it’s become inextricably linked with grief, and with the memory of her daughter-in-law, Dayla Espinoza-Bayles, who passed away earlier this year at the age of 25 after a battle with ovarian cancer. Martin shared a deeply personal essay with TODAY, detailing how she’s navigating life after loss, and how a specific recipe – her broccoli cheddar potato soup – has become a poignant touchstone.
Dayla and Martin’s son, Grey Bayles, were high school sweethearts, and food played a central role in their relationship. Martin recalls countless shared meals, from Whataburger runs to birthday cakes, and how Dayla blossomed from a “cute kid” into someone she deeply cherished. The soup, perfected during those early years of their relationship, became a symbol of that connection. “I worked on that recipe for quite a while to get the nutrition where I wanted it,” Martin writes. “It has lots of secret vegetables but is still creamy and comforting, and she loved it.”
The essay isn’t just about a recipe; it’s a raw and honest exploration of grief’s impact on the most basic human needs. Martin describes the disorienting experience of seeing something Dayla would have enjoyed and the sudden, sharp reminder of her absence. “I often see something I know she would like and come this close to reaching for it,” she writes. “In that split second, she is still alive. And then I remember to be brokenhearted anew.”
Martin, a dietitian, draws on her professional knowledge to explain how stress and sorrow manifest in our eating habits. She acknowledges that grief can lead to both overeating and loss of appetite, and emphasizes that both responses are natural and understandable. “There’s no shame in it,” she asserts, pointing out that our bodies are wired to respond to stress in ways that historically ensured survival. The real problem, she argues, is self-shame, which only exacerbates the emotional burden.
The article offers practical advice for navigating food when grief makes even simple tasks feel overwhelming. Martin suggests prioritizing nourishment over enjoyment, loosening expectations around “healthy” eating, and accepting help from friends and family. She acknowledges that sometimes, a series of snacks or a frozen dinner is perfectly acceptable. The key, she emphasizes, is to simply eat something.
Beyond the immediate need for sustenance, Martin highlights the power of food to connect us to our loved ones. She suggests brewing a favorite tea, baking a cherished dessert, or, as she plans to do, making Dayla’s favorite soup. “Food is medicine, yes, but it’s not just medicine,” she writes. “It’s also fun, love, tradition, memory and relationships.”
The essay culminates in a powerful tribute to Dayla’s character. Martin recalls a eulogy delivered by her son, describing Dayla’s lifelong dedication to caring for others. “She dedicated her life to worrying about those around her, to her very last day.” Martin suggests that the best way to honor Dayla’s memory is to continue her work by caring for ourselves and each other.
Martin concludes with a simple, yet profound message: “Step one is to breathe, and step two is to eat.” She intends to make Dayla’s soup, not just for its nutritional value, but as a tangible act of remembrance and a way to keep her spirit alive.
Dayla’s Broccoli Cheddar Potato Soup
Makes 4 entree servings
Ingredients
- 1 medium yellow onion, diced
- 2 cloves garlic, minced
- 2 teaspoons butter or olive oil
- 2 cups chicken or vegetable broth (or broth concentrate + water to make 2 cups)
- 1 cup water
- 3-4 medium potatoes, peeled and cut into large chunks (about 4 cups)
- 2-3 cups finely diced or grated green cabbage
- 2 medium carrots, peeled and diced
- 1/2 teaspoon ground black pepper
- 1/2 teaspoon onion powder, optional
- 1 cup grated cheddar cheese
- 2 cups frozen broccoli or cauliflower florets, or a mix, thawed and chopped
- 2 ounces Neufchatel or cream cheese
- 4 links chicken sausage, sliced and browned (optional)
Preparation
- In a pressure cooker on the saute setting, cook onion and garlic in butter or oil just until starting to turn soft, 3 to 4 minutes.
- Add broth, water, vegetables and seasonings. Switch to pressure cook setting, seal, and set for 5 minutes with a quick release.
- Stir in cheddar cheese and broccoli and/or cauliflower to heat through.
- Press Neufchael or cream cheese into the blades of an immersion blender and pulse just a few times until it is blended in well and a few of the potatoes are broken down to thicken the soup. Correct seasoning if needed.
- Top with sausage, if desired, and serve hot.
If you need assistance in dealing with grief, help is available. Visit the SAMHSA page for grief resources, or seek support through organizations like GriefShare. If you want to know more about what Dayla was like, you can read a remarkable post of hers here: 25 things she learned by age 25.
