How to Handle People Who Feel Treated Unfairly

The tendency for some individuals to consistently perceive themselves as the victim in various situations often involves a complex interaction of psychological defenses and perceptions of unfairness. This mindset can manifest as a recurring belief that one is being targeted or wronged, even in scenarios where personal responsibility may play a role.

According to Lori Deschene, a victim mentality can sometimes be utilized to avoid taking responsibility for one’s own actions or failures. For example, an individual might attribute a poor performance in a high-pressure situation to favoritism rather than a lack of preparation.

Maintaining a state of perpetual indignation or bitterness can hinder an individual’s ability to create positive change. Deschene suggests that accessing personal power requires a shift away from seeing oneself as a victim and a commitment to healing internal pain before attempting to address external injustices.

The Psychology of Unfair Treatment

While some individuals may adopt a victim narrative, other people are subjected to genuine unfair treatment. Dr. Jill Fandrich notes that the reasons behind such behavior often stem from the insecurities of the person delivering the unfair treatment.

Individuals who feel threatened or inadequate may project these feelings onto others. In these instances, the target of the poor treatment may be perceived as competition, meaning the behavior is often a reflection of the perpetrator’s internal state rather than the actions of the victim.

Beyond individual interpersonal dynamics, unfair treatment can also be rooted in broader societal frameworks. A report from USA Today highlighted the specific systemic issue of Black children being unfairly treated as adults.

Emotional and Physiological Responses

Experiencing injustice typically triggers a strong emotional response. Meagan O’Nan describes the sting of injustice as something that can leave a person feeling sadness, confusion, frustration, and anger.

From a physiological perspective, the feeling of being treated unfairly can push the body into fight-or-flight mode, which frequently results in a heightened sense of anxiety.

Strategies for Navigating Injustice

Responding impulsively to unfair treatment can often worsen a situation or lead to future regret. To manage these moments, Meagan O’Nan proposes a three-step blueprint rooted in inner strength and self-respect:

• Don’t Respond Yet: Taking a pause allows for clarity and prevents the person from reacting based on intense emotion, which can avoid the risk of saying things they do not mean.
• Honor and Release Your Feelings: This step involves processing the emotions associated with the event.
• Respond with Boundaries: Once clarity is regained, the individual can create a response based on self-respect.

Other approaches focus on the long-term management of one’s reputation and mental state. One perspective suggests that carrying oneself in a way that is honest and reliable can make a person feel above reproach in the eyes of those around them.

the process of dealing with unfairness involves distinguishing between things that can be changed and things that cannot. As summarized by Lori Deschene, if a situation cannot be changed, the focus must shift to changing the way one thinks about that situation to avoid the cycle of hostility and bitterness.