The Slow Fade: When Women ‘Quiet Quit’ Their Marriages
A growing number of women are disengaging emotionally from their marriages long before considering divorce, a phenomenon experts are calling “quiet quitting.” This subtle withdrawal, characterized by a gradual reduction in emotional investment and communication, often leaves partners unaware of the growing distance until it’s too late.
The term, borrowed from workplace trends, describes a disengagement that isn’t marked by dramatic conflict, but rather a slow, quiet retreat. According to reports, women initiate approximately 70 percent of divorces in the United States, but the story behind those statistics often involves years of this quiet disengagement. The shift isn’t typically abrupt; it’s a build-up, a coping mechanism developed over time.
“Quiet quitting in a marriage is often a biological freeze response,” explains Christine Scott-Hudson, a licensed psychotherapist. “When things in the marriage feel hopeless for a long time, such as when nothing a spouse says or does seems to have any effect on the state of the marriage, the nervous system might feel trapped and begin to go into a freeze response.” This freeze manifests as shutting down, limiting communication, and a general disengagement that can be difficult for a partner to detect.
The signs of this quiet quitting are often subtle. Women may stop initiating conversations, reduce their participation in shared activities, or become less emotionally available. These changes, while seemingly insignificant at first, create emotional distance that can prove insurmountable. Experts note that many partners are genuinely blindsided by divorce announcements precisely because they fail to recognize these early warning signs.
One man, writing in The Independent, described his experience with a wife who had emotionally withdrawn. He reflected on how their relationship had shifted from a vibrant connection to a state where he was primarily focused on their children, finding more fulfillment in his relationship with them than with his wife. He acknowledged a growing emotional distance, a sense that his wife had become an “emotional desert.”
Financial dynamics can also play a role in this disengagement. One man recounted how initial financial contributions, while seemingly equitable at the time, eventually led to tensions and disagreements. He noted that while they had a good relationship for many years, the underlying issues eventually contributed to a sense of imbalance.
The phenomenon isn’t necessarily about a lack of intimacy, either. Even as women are quietly disengaging, sexual intimacy may continue, masking the deeper emotional disconnect. This can further contribute to the partner’s unawareness of the growing problems within the marriage.
Scott-Hudson suggests that past trauma can also contribute to this “freeze response,” leading individuals to shut down rather than actively fight for the marriage. The fear of vulnerability or repeating past experiences can drive this disengagement.
The rise of the “quiet quitting” narrative provides a framework for understanding this complex dynamic, highlighting the emotional weight that can accumulate silently before a marriage ultimately ends. It underscores the importance of open communication, addressing unresolved issues, and recognizing the subtle signs of emotional withdrawal before they escalate into irreparable distance.
