The urge to create, to make something from nothing, is a fundamental human drive. But life, as it often does, has a way of interrupting that impulse. For Sian Cain, a seasoned entertainment journalist, that interruption lasted years, stemming from a childhood experience where artistic expression shifted from joyful exploration to a source of anxiety. Her recent return to painting, documented in a deeply personal piece for The Guardian, offers a compelling reflection on rediscovering creativity, navigating self-doubt, and the surprising lessons learned in an adult art class.
Cain’s journey began with a childhood fascination with Vincent van Gogh, sparked not by the artist’s turbulent life but by a children’s book that reimagined him as a teddy bear. This early exposure fostered a love of painting, a love that flourished until high school, when the introduction of grades and judgment transformed the act of creation into something fraught with pressure. As she writes, “When art went from something I simply did to something I could be judged for, that made it terrifying.” The fear of not being “good enough,” coupled with a growing awareness of the perceived intensity of the artist’s life, led her to abandon painting altogether.
Years later, working as a writer covering the arts, Cain found herself drawn back to the medium. It wasn’t simply a desire to paint, but a yearning to confront the anxieties that had stifled her creativity for so long. Specifically, she wanted to engage with oil paints, a medium she’d always associated with a certain level of artistic prestige. “I wanted to learn how to paint but I also wanted to learn how to be fine with possibly being bad at something – but do it anyway,” she explains.
Enrolling in a 12-week oil painting class proved to be a pivotal experience. The course wasn’t about instant mastery. it was a return to fundamentals. Cain and her classmates meticulously learned color theory, composition, and the intricacies of paint mixing – a process so crucial that their teacher wouldn’t allow them to begin painting until their palettes were deemed satisfactory. The curriculum progressed through various forms, from abstraction and landscape to portraiture, heavily emphasizing learning through replication. They recreated works by John Singer Sargent, rendering his portraits in monochrome, and painstakingly copied Anders Zorn’s portrait of Martha Dana, focusing on mastering the “Zorn palette” – a limited palette of just four colors known for its simplicity and effectiveness in portrait work.
The process wasn’t easy. Cain candidly describes the frustration of struggling with a particularly challenging subject – a satin ribbon – and the anger she felt at herself for not being immediately proficient. However, this struggle proved to be a crucial lesson. She realized that the value wasn’t in effortless talent, but in the process of learning and improvement. “I wasn’t immediately good at oil painting…But when I collected my painting a week later, I realised two bolstering things: my ribbon was actually OK for a first go, and I had learned something.”
The course also offered unexpected challenges, like being tasked with painting a white sheet against a white background – a lesson in observation and nuance that Cain wryly describes as evidence of a teacher’s willingness to push her students. But the class provided her with the confidence to continue painting independently.
Cain’s experience resonates with a broader cultural conversation about reclaiming creative passions. As highlighted in a recent article on The Painting Advice, many people feel a longing to create but find themselves sidelined by work, family, and self-doubt. The article suggests that taking classes, whether formal or informal, can provide structure, feedback, and a supportive community. Similarly, a Reddit thread on r/watercolor101 emphasizes that there’s no “wrong” way to be an artist, and encourages beginners to embrace the learning process without fear of judgment.
Cain’s solution – a dedicated weekly class and a “fridge gallery” of her work – is a simple yet effective way to integrate art back into her life. The act of displaying her paintings, even imperfect ones, has helped her overcome her initial self-consciousness and embrace the joy of creation. It’s a reminder, she suggests, of the uninhibited creativity of her five-year-old self, the little girl who happily painted with her fingers and saw the world through the vibrant lens of a Van Gogh teddy bear. And perhaps, as she concludes, Vincent himself would be proud.
The story also touches on a broader theme of finding joy and wonder, something explored in a recent article from the Los Angeles Times, which discusses the importance of rediscovering childlike wonder as a way to combat feelings of being drained. Cain’s journey is a testament to the power of art not just as a skill to be mastered, but as a source of joy, self-discovery, and a connection to our most authentic selves.
