Sarah Shahi, the actress known for her roles in Sex/Life and Person of Interest, has been candid about the complexities of love, loss and self-discovery in recent interviews and her newly released memoir, Life Is Lifey: The A to Z’s on Navigating Life’s Messy Middle. Her reflections encompass her divorce from Steve Howey, her recent breakup with Sex/Life co-star Adam Demos, and her evolving perspective on relationships and motherhood.
Shahi’s memoir details the long journey to recognizing her own needs within her 11-year marriage to Howey, which concluded in 2020. She reveals that the decision to divorce wasn’t sudden, but rather a realization that took a decade to articulate. “‘I finally love myself more.’ Those five words took 10 years to say,” she writes, describing the emotional weight of the conversation. The actress, who shares three children – William, 16, and twins Knox and Violet, 10 – with Howey, emphasizes the importance of prioritizing self-worth, even when it leads to difficult choices.
The divorce process itself was described as profoundly painful. Shahi likened the experience to “having a piano dropped on my heart,” illustrating the deep sorrow that accompanied the end of a long-term relationship. However, she also frames it as a necessary step towards personal growth and self-acceptance. She acknowledges the challenges of balancing the roles of mother, partner, and individual, noting that she felt overwhelmed at times, stating, “I can’t go from friend to child to partner to pet making service calls.”
More recently, Shahi opened up about her breakup with Adam Demos, her partner of five years and co-star on the Netflix series Sex/Life. Speaking on the Let’s Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari podcast on , she explained that the difficulties arose from the challenges of building a life with children involved. “I do think when you have kids, it’s hard to build a life when you have children unless the person truly, truly, truly wants that as well,” she said.
Shahi’s perspective is deeply informed by her own experience as a parent. She explained that she approaches parenting in a way that mirrors her own upbringing – one characterized by open boundaries and a lack of restriction. “I show up as a parent in a very specific way,” she stated. “I parent the way I was parented. For my mother, we grew up in Texas—single mom of three kids. There were no boundaries. We could walk into our mom’s bedroom at any time and we walked into the bathroom at any time.” She recognizes that this style of parenting might be challenging for partners who are accustomed to more conventional boundaries.
The actress is now focused on prioritizing her own needs and desires in future relationships. “I want my next relationship to be about me,” she declared. “I’m not looking for a stepparent. I just want a boyfriend—someone that can just take me out and I can be on the beach and just be all sweaty and have sex all the time.” She even playfully suggested a desire for a partner who would simply “serve” her, should the connection evolve beyond casual enjoyment.
Shahi acknowledges the complexities of finding a compatible partner while also being a mother. She expressed a desire for a relationship that feels effortless, stating, “It’s great for love to be easy,” but also recognizing that “the life stuff should also not be so difficult.” She emphasizes the importance of finding someone who embraces all aspects of her life, including her role as a mother.
Throughout her reflections, Shahi demonstrates a commitment to honesty and self-awareness. She doesn’t shy away from acknowledging the pain and challenges she has faced, but also emphasizes the importance of self-love and personal growth. Her willingness to share her experiences offers a relatable and inspiring message for anyone navigating the complexities of love, family, and self-discovery. The actress’s journey, as detailed in her memoir and recent interviews, underscores the ongoing process of defining one’s own happiness and prioritizing personal well-being.
