Schools Assume Mum and Dad Are Together
- Researchers at a prominent American university compared the experience of the 1980s with today and found that schools were still focused on the 'primary parent'.
- In the late 1980s, British researchers expressed their concerns about how schools were organized "around the assumption that the nuclear family is the norm." They noted that families...
- Several generations of students have passed through the education system since then, and it's still quite common for parents to be separated or divorced.
Schools Still Assume Students Have a Traditional Family Structure, Leaving Separated Parents in the Dark
Table of Contents
- Schools Still Assume Students Have a Traditional Family Structure, Leaving Separated Parents in the Dark
- Schools Still Assume Students Have a Traditional Family Structure, Leaving Separated Parents in the Dark
- Q&A Guide
- Q1: How do current schools still operate under the assumption that the nuclear family is the norm?
- Q2: what are the primary challenges faced by separated parents when interacting with schools?
- Q3: What is often overlooked about step-parents in school communications?
- Q4: What improvements do experts recommend for schools’ handling of diverse family structures?
- Q5: Why is it crucial for schools to redefine their beliefs of family?
- Conclusion
- Q&A Guide
Researchers at a prominent American university compared the experience of the 1980s with today and found that schools were still focused on the ‘primary parent‘. Here, they explain their findings and the implications for modern education systems.
In the late 1980s, British researchers expressed their concerns about how schools were organized “around the assumption that the nuclear family is the norm.” They noted that families who did not fit this mold were either ignored or labeled as abnormal.
For UK researchers,
“schools were organised around the assumption that the nuclear family is the norm.” Families who did not fit this model were “either ignored [tactfully] or categorised as abnormal.”
Several generations of students have passed through the education system since then, and it’s still quite common for parents to be separated or divorced. In the U.S., about 23% of children under 18 have parents who are separated or divorced.
However, our recent research indicates that surprisingly little has changed in the way schools interact with separated parents over the past 40 years. Schools still treat the nuclear family as the default and often assume that students have a mother and father who are together.
Schools Preoccupied with the ‘Primary Parent’
We interviewed 11 separated parents about their experiences with their children’s schools. These parents were a subgroup from a previous study which found more than half of separated parents surveyed had negative experiences with their children’s teachers, principals and school administrators.
Interviewees repeatedly highlighted how school information systems, whether for private or public schools, required families to identify a “primary parent.” This parent was the one the school contacted if the child was unwell or to discuss school-related issues. This parent also received all school-related communications.
Sarah, a mother of two, shared how frustrating it was to deal with the school’s communication system. “The school kept all communications directed at my ex-husband, even though I had 50-50 custody. I had to continually request updates, which was both time-consuming and disheartening.”
Parents Can Be Kept in the Dark
The type, amount, and timing of information non-primary parents received primarily depended on their relationship with their ex-partner. For amicably separated parents, the situation was difficult but manageable.
As Amanda, a separated mother, explained,
“[One of the biggest challenges] is trying to work out ‘Did you get this email?’, ‘Did you get that one?’, ‘What’s happened with this note?’, and then kind of working out amongst ourselves how to best manage that if only one of us is receiving information.”Amanda
However, in high-conflict situations, parents sometimes found themselves shut out by the other parent or the school itself. Michael, another parent, reported that while there were no court orders in place, his children’s mother excluded him from school communications, making it impossible for him to be actively involved in his children’s schooling.
When I contacted the school and said, you know, that I either wasn’t receiving any information or that all the notices suddenly weren’t coming to me, they said, ‘Oh, we’re not going to get involved’. And so, I was left completely out of it.Michael
Situations Can be Manipulated
Parents also reported that the primary parent can manipulate school interactions. In high-conflict relationships, school information can be used to elevate one parent into a position of power. Michael described a particularly difficult situation where his ex-partner withheld information about school fees and homework, leading to legal complications. The school’s lack of inclusive communication exacerbated the problem.
What About Step-Parents?
Some parents in the study had become step-parents after re-partnering. These parents explained they were heavily involved in the day-to-day lives of their step-children, but the school did not recognize them as parental figures.
One step-father, David, noted, “I handle most of my step-daughter’s after-school activities, healthcare, and homework, yet the school only communicates with her mother. It feels neglectful and impersonal.”
The Nuclear Family is Still Seen as ‘Normal’
Schools in the U.S. have been dealing with the challenges of working with separated and diverse families for decades. However, it appears that very little progress has been made in modernizing their interactions to accommodate all types of families effectively.
Clearly, schools need more effective policies and procedures to ensure that all parents are included and involved. Schools must improve support and education for staff on how to manage high-conflict co-parenting relationships, ensuring that all communication systems are adaptable and inclusive of diverse family structures.
“Until each school defines its philosophy of the family in a realistic way, teachers, parents, and pupils have no option other than to collude in maintaining the fiction that the nuclear family is normal.”UK researchers, 1987
Schools Still Assume Students Have a Traditional Family Structure, Leaving Separated Parents in the Dark
Q&A Guide
Q1: How do current schools still operate under the assumption that the nuclear family is the norm?
A: Modern education systems continue to operate with the assumption that a nuclear family structure—consisting of one mother, one father, and children—remains the default.This assumption holds despite significant societal changes and the prevalence of diverse family structures. Researchers note that this mindset dates back to concerns raised in the 1980s when UK researchers highlighted schools’ tendencies to ignore or label non-nuclear families as abnormal. Over the decades, little progress has been made in updating these approaches.
Source: Phys.org,2025 report [[1]]
Q2: what are the primary challenges faced by separated parents when interacting with schools?
A: Separated parents frequently encounter several challenges:
- School Communication systems: Families are often required to designate a “primary parent” for school communications, leaving the non-primary parent in the dark about their child’s school life.
- Navigating High-Conflict Situations: When co-parenting relationships are contentious, one parent may block the other from receiving school information, exacerbating communication issues.
- Manipulation of Information: In high-conflict cases, the primary parent may misuse school communications to their advantage, creating legal and personal complications.
Parents have expressed issues such as piecing together fragmented information sent to their ex-partners and feeling excluded due to communication barriers. Schools are frequently enough hesitant to intervene in disputes, leading to further parental frustration.
Source: Interviews and research findings cited by Phys.org news article [[1]] and Educators’ insights in articles [[3]]
Q3: What is often overlooked about step-parents in school communications?
A: Step-parents, who often play significant roles in their step-children’s lives, frequently find themselves unrecognized by schools as parental figures. Schools typically only communicate with biological parents, ignoring the active involvement of step-parents in managing day-to-day tasks and supporting their step-children’s education.
Source: University research findings referenced in Phys.org news article [[1]]
Q4: What improvements do experts recommend for schools’ handling of diverse family structures?
A: To effectively support all family types, schools need to:
- Develop inclusive communication policies that ensure all parents and step-parents receive timely and relevant information.
- Educate staff on managing high-conflict co-parenting scenarios, focusing on maintaining impartiality and inclusivity.
- Regularly update systems and protocols to reflect the realities of modern family dynamics, moving beyond the outdated nuclear family model.
These recommendations aim to close the gap between traditional assumptions and the current diverse family structures found in society today.
Source: Educator’s guides and expert recommendations in outlined sources like Phys.org news article [[1]], Ensuring all parents are acknowledged and included.
Q5: Why is it crucial for schools to redefine their beliefs of family?
A: Redefining the school’s philosophy of family is crucial because it acknowledges and respects the diversity of family structures present in society. Without this acknowledgment, parents and students may feel marginalized, which can have implications on student well-being and parental involvement.As emphasized by UK researchers back in the 1980s, clinging to the fiction of the nuclear family as the norm prevents effective collaboration and limits the inclusivity necessary for a supportive learning environment.
Source: References to earlier UK research, as discussed in Phys.org analysis [[1]]
Conclusion
The persistent assumption of a nuclear family structure in schools hinders the engagement of separated and diverse families. Schools need comprehensive policy revisions to support all types of families effectively, ensuring open and inclusive communication channels for all parental figures involved in a child’s education. This strategic shift will not only enhance the educational experience for students but also foster a more inclusive and equitable environment for all parents and step-parents.
Additional Resources:
- Educator’s Guide on handling parental separation [[3]]