Thanksgiving Trauma: Agoraphobia & A Mother’s Murder

The holiday season, often envisioned as a time of gratitude and togetherness, can paradoxically trigger or exacerbate underlying trauma for some individuals. While many families prepare for festive gatherings, for others, the season brings to the surface painful memories and anxieties. This is particularly true for those who have experienced significant loss, abuse, or historical trauma, as highlighted by a growing awareness of the complex emotional landscape surrounding holidays like Thanksgiving.

The Weight of History: Thanksgiving and Indigenous Trauma

Thanksgiving, as traditionally presented, carries a narrative of harmony between early European settlers and Native Americans. However, this depiction has been widely challenged by historians and Indigenous communities, who point to the holiday’s origins as a celebration of colonization and the subsequent displacement, violence, and cultural erasure experienced by Native peoples. Today, recognizing this historical context is crucial to understanding the ongoing trauma experienced by many Native Americans.

As detailed in a recent editorial, the myth of a peaceful first Thanksgiving obscures a painful history spanning 400 years of massacres, abuse, and systemic negligence. This generational trauma continues to impact Indigenous communities, manifesting in various forms of psychological and social distress. The holiday, can serve as a stark reminder of historical injustices and ongoing struggles.

Tommy Orange, in his 2018 novel There There, explores the challenges faced by Native Americans, particularly those living in urban environments, and connects their experiences to the legacy of generational trauma stemming from events like the historical Thanksgiving narrative. The novel’s prologue, according to the editorial, captures the “gruesome history of Thanksgiving and Indigenous erasure, from the forced removal of Native American communities from their ancestral lands to current instances of cultural appropriation.”

The Intersection of Trauma and Current Events

The emotional weight of Thanksgiving is further compounded by contemporary events. The editorial notes that this year, the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic has disproportionately affected Indigenous communities and other communities of color, adding another layer of vulnerability and grief. The decision to gather for Thanksgiving, despite the risks to vulnerable populations, can be particularly triggering for those who remember the spread of deadly diseases by early settlers that decimated Native populations.

Orange, speaking to Vox, suggested that the pandemic could offer a valuable lesson in empathy and collective responsibility, stating, “If Thanksgiving is a time of gratitude and a communal sense of being together, if People can think that way as a country, Covid-19 is one of the lessons where we can learn to think of other people and not ourselves first.”

Trauma Beyond Historical Context: Family Dynamics and Violence

Beyond the historical trauma experienced by Indigenous communities, Thanksgiving can also be a difficult time for individuals grappling with complex family dynamics or histories of domestic violence. Data indicates a spike in domestic violence incidents during major holidays, attributed to increased stress, substance use, and the forced intimacy of extended family gatherings. The expectation of a “perfect” holiday can exacerbate existing tensions and create an environment conducive to conflict.

Sociologist Richard Gelles, an expert on family violence, identifies financial stress, “forced intimacy,” and the “happiness gap” – the discrepancy between idealized holiday portrayals and the realities of family life – as primary contributors to holiday violence. The pressure to create a picture-perfect Thanksgiving can be particularly damaging for families struggling with underlying issues.

The Impact of Unresolved Grief and Loss

For individuals who have experienced the loss of loved ones, Thanksgiving can be a particularly painful reminder of their absence. The emphasis on family and togetherness can intensify feelings of grief and loneliness. Similarly, those with unresolved trauma from past family conflicts or abuse may find the holiday triggering, bringing back painful memories and emotions.

Recognizing and Addressing Holiday-Related Trauma

Acknowledging the potential for trauma during the holiday season is the first step towards creating a more supportive and sensitive environment. It’s important to recognize that not everyone experiences the holidays with joy and gratitude, and to be mindful of the emotional needs of others.

For individuals struggling with holiday-related trauma, seeking professional support can be invaluable. Therapists and counselors can provide tools and strategies for coping with difficult emotions, managing stress, and navigating challenging family dynamics. It’s also important to prioritize self-care during this time, setting boundaries, and engaging in activities that promote well-being.

The Hulu film ‘Flesh and Blood,’ part of the “Into the Dark” series, explores themes of survivor’s trauma, focusing on a woman with agoraphobia whose mother’s murder remains unsolved. While a fictional narrative, it highlights the enduring impact of trauma and the complexities of healing. The story centers on a Thanksgiving gathering, adding another layer of emotional resonance.

fostering a more inclusive and honest understanding of the holidays – acknowledging both the joys and the sorrows – is essential for creating a more compassionate and supportive society. Recognizing the historical and personal traumas that can be triggered during this time allows us to approach the season with greater empathy and sensitivity.