Why Being a Child-Free Caretaker for an Aging Parent Isn’t Easy

Naomi Holbrook, a 51-year-old resident of Sussex, UK, serves as the sole caretaker for her 92-year-old father, navigating the complex intersection of elder care and a child-free lifestyle. Her experience highlights the specific challenges faced by adult children who manage the health of aging parents without the support of a partner or the presence of their own children.

The caregiving role became a primary focus for Holbrook in 2023, when she moved her father 300 miles from their childhood home in Devon to Sussex. The move was intended to provide closer support as his health deteriorated and his age advanced.

Care Requirements and Health Challenges

Holbrook’s father currently resides in an independent living complex for seniors located five streets away from her home. While he utilizes a carer twice a week for socialization, Holbrook manages his primary care and administrative needs.

Despite a diagnosis of dementia, the 92-year-old maintains a strict daily routine, which includes dressing himself in a shirt and tie and taking a bus into town for coffee and cake. However, his medical history has become increasingly complex since moving to Sussex.

Holbrook reports that her father has contracted Covid twice, suffered an acute head injury, experienced multiple falls and fractures, and had a stroke in 2025. These events have required frequent hospital stays and appointments, often compounded by the confusion associated with his dementia.

Professional and Social Integration

As a self-employed professional running a coaching and mentoring business, Holbrook has integrated her professional responsibilities with her caregiving duties. She has conducted client Zoom calls from her father’s living room and authored a book, published in 2025, while spending time in hospital waiting rooms.

This integration has eliminated a traditional work-life balance. Holbrook manages her father’s calendar and coordinates his medical appointments, often using weekends to catch up on both personal and her father’s administrative tasks.

The demands of caregiving have also significantly impacted Holbrook’s personal life. She has not dated for approximately 10 years and avoids long vacations or extended work trips to remain available in case of emergencies. She notes that socializing with friends has taken a back seat due to the all-consuming nature of her father’s needs.

Societal Perceptions of Child-Free Caregivers

Holbrook has encountered recurring assumptions from others regarding her capacity to provide care. Because she is single and child-free, some acquaintances—particularly those balancing elder care with raising children—have suggested her situation is easier.

You haven’t got children, you haven’t got a partner — you’ve only got you to think about.

Acquaintances of Naomi Holbrook, as reported by Holbrook

Holbrook describes feeling subject to the opinions of others, noting that she often feels judged for her life choices. This includes past comments in her 30s and 40s urging her to settle down or questioning who would care for her in her own old age.

Family Dynamics

The caregiving burden is not shared among siblings. Holbrook has an older sister who lives in Cheshire, approximately 260 miles from where their father lived before his move to Sussex. Holbrook states that her sister is not involved in her father’s care and that the two do not discuss the matter, leading Holbrook to accept the responsibility as her own.

The relationship is also shaped by past family loss and generational attitudes toward emotion. Holbrook’s mother died when she was 19. She describes her father as belonging to a generation that adheres to the British mantra to keep calm and carry on rather than discussing feelings.

To prevent the relationship from becoming purely transactional or secretarial, Holbrook now makes a conscious effort to arrange a fun outing with her father every few weeks, acknowledging that her time with him is limited.