Beyond the Parent-Teacher Meeting: Why Family Education Demands More Than Just a Conversation

“Only fathers are allowed to attend, no leave allowed” – According to a recent report by Hangzhou Daily, a middle school in Hangzhou recently held a “Good Father Parents’ Meeting” and specifically invited fathers of students to attend. It also issued the “Ten Rules for Good Fathers”, advocating fathers to actively participate in family education, maintain attention and patience with their children, communicate regularly, jointly formulate rules and abide by them. This move has sparked heated discussions online. Netizens generally believe that fathers spend too little time taking care of their children, and discussed what role fathers play in family education and what responsibilities they should bear.

As a father, I am involved in a lot of my children’s education, but I often face awkward situations – among the five members of the parent committee of my daughter’s class, I am the only father, and the other four are mothers; among the 20 members of the parent committee of the entire grade, I am still the only father. Sometimes, I really want to contribute some opinions from a father, but they often disagree with the views of the mothers and seem out of place, so I often swallow back the words that come to my lips.

This embarrassment has lasted for a long time. When my child was growing up, whether I took her to a park, an amusement park, a bookstore, or a museum, the parents of the children I met were mostly mothers or the elderly – where were the fathers?

The results of the “Fourth Survey on the Social Status of Chinese Women” show that in Chinese families, 67.5% of the homework tutoring for children aged 0 to 17 is mainly undertaken by mothers. Mothers not only have to take care of their children’s food, clothing, and shelter, but also bear most of the responsibilities of family education.

One view is that the absence of fathers in children’s growth is mainly influenced by the traditional concept of “men work outside and women work inside”. According to my observation, this concept is stronger in rural areas or economically backward areas than in cities or economically developed areas. Concepts are closely related to reality. The reason why the concept of “men work outside and women work inside” is deeply rooted is largely related to the fact that women cannot fully find employment. If this employment model does not change, it will be difficult for concepts to change.

In fact, for urban families, especially dual-income families, the question is often not “Where is Dad?” but “Where are Mom and Dad?” Most people work from 9 to 5, and overtime and commuting also take up a lot of time. There are really not many parents who can catch up with picking up and dropping off their children from school and have the energy to help their children with homework after returning home.

Paying attention to family education is not as simple as “who holds the parent-teacher meeting”.

In reality, it is possible that some fathers are unwilling to take care of their children and do not know how to educate them, but more people may really be unable to do so and have the will but not the ability. In particular, some parents with higher education attach great importance to family education. They may not be able to spare the time to attend their children’s parent-teacher meetings, but they usually try to take on the responsibility of being a father. There are many friends around me who work “996” all day, but on Sundays, they will try their best to accompany their children.

Parents’ education and care for their children include proactive communication between home and school, such as attending parent-teacher meetings and actively participating in parent-teacher committees, as well as immediate and fragmented interactions with their children in daily life, such as playing games and tutoring with homework, etc. The latter often has a subtle influence on children.

Mothers can bring care and tolerance to their children, and fathers can teach their children to be rational and brave. Both parents have their own characteristics and strengths, and the roles they play in their children’s growth are unique and irreplaceable. In addition to calling on fathers to take time out to attend parent-teacher conferences, guiding more fathers to realize the importance of family education and participate more in accompanying their children on a daily basis may be a more difficult issue.

In a sense, the issue of who should hold parent-teacher conferences is a social issue that is closely related to the workplace environment and education model, and cannot be solved by fathers alone. When paternity leave and parental leave are better implemented, when workplaces provide more support for fathers to hold parent-teacher conferences and accompany their children, and when society no longer solidifies the division of roles between men and women in the family, the problem should gradually be resolved. (Bi Zhenshan)

[责任编辑：刘海]