[D:인디그라운드(105)] Mad XP, a ray of light found at the bottom of life

MaddyXP, who made their debut in 2019 with Near IGO (Sukozy, Maddy XP), released their solo album ‘HWAN’ on the 5th after 3 years.

This album contains the content of the ray of light he found when he experienced the lowest point of his life due to paralysis in his harsh life. Making music about his story that happened in a sad and lonely despair, he consoles the public by saying that if you scream like crazy, that at least one person will surely listen, that people can get back up somehow, and that you are not really alone.

– First of all, I want to hear from you. It’s been a long time since I released an album, how have you been?

I procrastinated and procrastinated. I was living my life with the hopeless goal of ‘someday I should make another song and let people hear it’ in my heart. In the meantime, I graduated from school, and I think I was the most distracted by running out of society to adapt and work part-time. When I get home from work, I have to write at least one more line of lyrics, even one more word, and then I just fall on the bed and fall asleep.

– Please introduce the new song ‘HWAN’.

‘HWAN’, which I’m going to listen to this time, is a song I’ve been releasing for the first time in 3 years. I was in charge of writing, composing, producing and mixing by myself.

-I think there was a reason for making this song.

In the winter when life became so harsh that I thought it was all meaningless, I thought that I had to give up and find a way to live again, and while I was packing in my own room, I got temporary paralysis in my extremities due to overwork and chronic illness. The heating was broken, so I was crawling on the cold floor of my bedroom, and I was finally able to call for help. I think I experienced the bottom of my life at that time.

During the reorganization for several months after the rescue, I felt very sad and lonely. The fact that I have to live like no other because I have nothing more than anyone else, that I fall apart like this again and time goes by cruelly when I don’t know when I will get back up again, the fear that no one will listen to me even if I barely make my favorite music in such a situation. In the meantime, I can’t control my body at will. But the strange thing is that he somehow came back to life. After a few months, I sat in front of my laptop and finished the sketch in 30 minutes.

-What did you want to say through your music?

I just wanted to say a piece of anger and a warning. The world is so harsh and cruel that it can destroy a person this much, and make him like a monster. However, most importantly, I was going to tell you about the ray of light that was clearly hidden in that person. If you scream like crazy, at least one person will surely listen, people can get up again somehow, you’re not really alone.

– I think that intention is well expressed in the lyrics.

If you look at the lyrics of the song from afar, it looks so desperate and even scary to me. But if you look at it line by line, the lyrics are absolutely not like that. We all face a moment in our lives when we fall apart and we can’t handle it. I resent being born. But I wanted to say that if you have the courage, solidarity, love, and fight, the shining moment will surely come.

-Did Mad XP have any ‘moments you couldn’t handle’?

There were too many, so I stopped for a long time. ‘Cause I’m so weak It collapses dozens of times a day. In such a terrible life, the most terrible things happen all the time. Won’t there ever come a time when we can talk openly? (Laughs)

-In the introduction of the album, the ‘power of solidarity’ is emphasized, is this the driving force behind MadXP’s ability to overcome an unbearable moment?

For a while, I thought that I was completely ignored and alone, but when I looked into my world, even if I was this miserable and humble, there was always someone, at least one person by my side. I think people can live just by knowing that fact. Even if that person doesn’t give you any compensation, let alone comfort you with any words. Just knowing that someone like that supports and believes in me always gives me a lot of strength.

And when I have the strength to stand up again, I become that kind of person to someone else. Just quietly standing by your side. I define it as solidarity and always say that its power is so lovely and great.

-If ‘HWAN’ contains such moments, processes, and results. I wonder if this music also comforted Mad XP himself.

It’s half and half. When I think of the motivation for writing this song and the moments of conflict and struggle while writing the song, I get goosebumps and melancholy. It’s a song that I started writing with a lot of anger, so I can’t help but convey that energy. But again, it doesn’t hurt that much when I reflect on the deep message of this song, the countless reasons I wrote this song to the world, and the desire to be in solidarity. Above all, I am very proud of myself for getting up and writing a new song, and that fact in itself is comforting.

-I’m curious about the meaning of ‘snake’ in the lyrics.

When I wrote the lyrics for this song, the first thing that came to my mind was the moments when the quadriplegia I mentioned earlier came. The image of me crawling like a desperate snake trying to live somehow. There, I took the big theme of ‘Snake’ and started building up the lyrics. That’s what people think of as a ‘snake’. An insidious and evil being that slowly tightens and eats the target. But since I was a child, I understood that snakes were creatures of life and healing that crawl on the earth, hear the sounds of the lowest places, and feel the movement of the soil. I wanted to tell a story based on this. The object that everyone avoids and fears may in fact be living with great potential. And by the way, I just like snakes. Taemong is also a snake and is a snake. haha.

-Is there a part that you thought was the most important musically?

I was just trying to do something I hadn’t done before. I don’t often finish a song to the end, but when I first sketched it, I tried to finish it right away while sitting. It made one big chunk. And I used the method of sculpting and chamfering. (Based on my standards) I made a very colorful song, but if you look at the project, it doesn’t really contain much. It’s very rough and rough. Rather than focusing on the details, I tried to maximize the meaning of the song itself, not just the lyrics, by making use of the tough texture of the song.

– In particular, the descending scale of the melody seems to strengthen the dreamy and confusing feeling. What effect was this repetitive melody line for?

Thanks for pointing it out exactly. But it’s not a calculated melodic line. I’m not good at writing sheet music. So, I play the beat over and over again, hum, and when I like it, I record it right away. Then it was a melody that came out of my mouth by accident. I thought, ‘Oh, this melody must sound really disturbing and strange’. And after such accidental confusion, I liked the feeling of being organized into the ‘I didn’t want this to happen’ part.

-Rapper Slick was with us on this album. How did you get involved?

I thought of it blindly, got contact information from people around me, and contacted me blindly. That’s all (laughs). Anyway, Slick asked a few days ago. She said, ‘How did you happen to contact her?’ That’s what I said ‘It just occurred to me like fate, as if someone had occupied it.’ That’s the only way I could say it.

– Is there anything memorable about the process of working together (or recruiting)?

I think Slick has more to say about this. Wouldn’t it be more interesting to tell the story of Slick, who accepted my proposal, who contacted me with no career, no acquaintance, and no additional explanations, saying, ‘I need you’. haha. Both of them are very shy, but we had a drink after the recording to see what kind of feelings they had. Maybe it’s because I’m too cute? You must have wanted to get to know me a lot (laughs).

-The visual impact of the music video was also great.

The process of hiring a director to direct the music video was very difficult. I was barely preparing for the release by myself, but it was difficult from the beginning to solve the music video. I was endlessly looking at my portfolio videos on SNS, and like fate, I found Director Lee Eun-kyung. I just called again. I didn’t really get involved in directing the music video, I threw in some ideas and left the rest to the director almost everything. I just focused on thinking about how to move in the world the director set up.

-It’s interesting that you choreographed the figure of a woman who struggled. What is the meaning of the presentation?

The director and I described it as ‘wriggling in hell’. Literally, it was filmed in a state of being trampled on, wriggling, and glowing. All of them took about 5 one-takes in freestyle, and they are the result of editing them.

I want to say that it was like a salpur. Filming such a choreography scene over and over again in one-take is actually physically demanding, but I was able to enjoy it so much. Because I was lazy. Although it was not included in the music video, I screamed and cried like crazy. I thought I’d just brush it all off.

-It feels very different from ‘Martini Haze’ with Sukoji in 2019. Is there any reason for the musical change?

I did that kind of music, I liked it, and I still like it. But I don’t think the word ‘musical change’ is appropriate. I thought I made a change too, but when I think about it again, my original music is this. Unlike back then, I made, planned, and built everything by myself. Actually, this is what I was like, and I found it late.

–‘Martini Haze’ is also their debut album. How did you get into music?

It’s far-fetched. I first started making music when I was in elementary school and taught myself a guitar that my father bought for me as a birthday present. However, I thought that my limit was definitely there, and I naturally gave up. With such a timid and delicate personality, I thought that I would never be able to perform on a bigger stage. I went to art high school and majored in art. I thought I would live on this for the rest of my life. Then I had an exhibition, and something seemed to be terribly wrong. I didn’t like people looking at my paintings without looking at me. Then I realized. ‘I actually want to shine in front of people’. From then on, I started making music again.

-Are there any differences between the beginning of your debut and now?

that you are getting older? haha. I thought I would be the youngest of gold wherever I went in my life. Is it just gold right now? Not much has changed. Rather, there is still more. I still like music, I enjoy dancing and singing in front of people, I am a person who loves and sheds a lot of tears. It seems like it will last a lifetime. I’m starting over in a way, so there’s a lot more things to change in the future, right?

– I’m curious about your future activities.

First, the regular album ‘EPOCALYPSE’ will be released on September 18th. Preparations are almost coming to an end. In the meantime, we plan to see you again with performances. I’m thinking about what else to do for fun.

-Do you have any musical beliefs or goals for Mad XP?

He always introduces himself. Sustainable music. Driving all kinds of wonderful things, we lead and comfort each other.

-Aside from music, what are some things Mad XP is interested in these days?

Veganism, feminism, queer human rights and preparation for the Joju Technician Examination.

-What is Maddy XP’s ultimate goal?

Don’t be afraid to fall anymore.

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