Embrace Failure: Growth & Resilience | Psychology Today
The Unexpected Power of listing Your Failures
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Why Acknowledging What Didn’t Work Can Be Surprisingly Empowering
We’re often told to focus on our successes, to build a narrative of achievement. But what about everything we tried to accomplish and didn’t? I recently recalled everything that I tried to accomplish in those years but failed. I wrote them all down. Now there was a long,rich list. And you know what-against all intuition and conventional advice-I felt a whole lot better.
This wasn’t about wallowing in regret. It was about recognizing the sheer volume of effort, care, and ambition that had gone into a life lived fully, even with its certain setbacks. It was a surprisingly liberating experience, and one I believe more of us should embrace.
Failures Can Run the Gamut
The scope of failure is frequently enough underestimated. It’s not just the grand, public collapses, but the quiet, persistent efforts that simply don’t gain traction.Looking at my list, the range was striking. There was the time that I tried to be a whistleblower,when my concerns about safety at the college fell on deaf administrative ears,a long,frustrating process that led to… no change. The time I tried to bring a MacArthur Genius Fellow to campus to speak about her pioneering research on implicit racial bias which was met by… utter indifference.
The list continued: the peer counseling program that piloted successfully and then was dropped; the proposed lounge in the psychology building for faculty-student interaction that went nowhere; the endeavor to create a teaching and learning center for student feedback. Some were pursued relentlessly, others fizzled out quickly, and still others barely got off the ground. Yet, each represented countless hours of dedication and a genuine desire to make a difference. These weren’t small things; they were initiatives born of passion and a belief in the possibility of improvement.
This isn’t unique to me. Think about your own life. How many projects have you started with enthusiasm only to see them stall? How many ideas have you pitched that were met with silence or rejection? These experiences, while painful, are a fundamental part of the human experience.
Success Is Easy; Failure Is Tough but Meaningful
After each failure, the initial reaction was frustration, even indignation. Why don’t they just listen to me? The conventional wisdom then kicked in: don’t dwell on failures, accept them, and move on. And that’s good advice, to a point.
But years of accumulated experience have revealed a deeper truth. Success, by its very nature, is frequently enough easier to achieve than failure. It’s easier to succeed at things that are… well, easy. (I succeeded at brushing my teeth this morning; I succeeded at showing up to work.) It takes a certain courage,a willingness to risk vulnerability,to attempt something truly challenging,something with a high probability of failure.
Furthermore, I’ve observed that many of the things I failed at eventually came to pass, often implemented by others. My efforts, even in their unsuccessful state, planted seeds that germinated later, perhaps when the timing was better, or when someone else was in a position to champion the idea. This isn’t about seeking vindication or claiming my ideas were “good.” It’s about recognizing the ripple effect of effort, even when it doesn’t yield immediate results.
Failures Reflect Who We Are
Some of my ideas were genuinely worthwhile, while others were, admittedly, misguided. I pursued blind alleys and wasted time and energy. But even those missteps hold value. They reveal our willingness to experiment, to take risks, and to learn from our mistakes.
The old adage says “success has a thousand mothers while failure is an orphan.” I’ve come to believe that celebrating our failures is a profoundly satisfying way of assessing the totality of our life’s work, and indeed, our entire life. While our successes are our public-facing achievements, our failures are a more intimate reflection of who we are. I did those things for no other reason than I cared, and that means everything. They demonstrate our values, our passions, and our commitment to making a difference, even when that difference isn’t instantly apparent.
Embrace your failures, not as signs of inadequacy, but as evidence of a life lived with intention and courage. List them, reflect on them, and allow them to shape you into the