Resentment: Causes & How to Cope
- Resentment, a silent weapon against those close to us, arises from perceived or real wrongs that are tough to forgive.
- Angela (a pseudonym), a 33-year-old Philadelphia resident, has been battling workplace resentment for over a year.Initially peers with her colleague in finance,Angela felt judged for taking time off.
- Psychologists describe envy as wanting what others possess, while jealousy is the fear of losing something to another.
How to Manage Resentment in Your Relationships and Career
Updated June 06, 2025
Resentment, a silent weapon against those close to us, arises from perceived or real wrongs that are tough to forgive. This feeling is more common than many admit, impacting relationships with partners, friends, family, colleagues, and even neighbors.
Angela (a pseudonym), a 33-year-old Philadelphia resident, has been battling workplace resentment for over a year.Initially peers with her colleague in finance,Angela felt judged for taking time off. When the colleague became her manager seven months ago, the behavior intensified. Angela said her boss now demands details about doctor’s appointments and has given her negative reviews, a stark contrast to previous praise.
Psychologists describe envy as wanting what others possess, while jealousy is the fear of losing something to another. These feelings, when accumulated, can evolve into resentment, often a response to feeling inferior or experiencing perceived injustices. Lingering annoyance and envy can transform into resentment over time.
Unlike envy and jealousy, which are action-oriented, resentment can become a stagnant state. people frequently enough avoid addressing the root cause, blaming others’ behavior. Fear of angering the other person or ending the relationship can further entrench bitterness.
Kerry Howells,a visiting professor at Tallinn university and author of “Untangling You: How Can I Be Grateful When I Feel so Resentful?” notes that resentment often stems from broken expectations or feeling inferior. This can occur when a partner fails to plan a surprise birthday party or, as in Angela’s situation, when a boss consistently undermines you.
Israel Nass, a psychotherapist and author of “Toxic Productivity: Reclaim Your Time and Emotional Energy in a World That Always Demands More,” points out that power imbalances can make it difficult to address resentment, particularly in the workplace. Without an outlet, resentment builds, accumulating every slight and unprioritized emotional need.
“Resentment is the weapon we silently wield against partners, friends, family, colleagues