A teacher walks through the shadowy and silent corridors. Killer body, baby bump on the forehead, side hair lying loose.
Until January 17, 1965, Ottapalam College had such a professor of physics. She hugged her mother with a small fever and went to bed, the next morning she went to the bathroom outside the house in front of her chanting Nama in front of the lamp. They were 34 years old when they leaned against the door, untied the sari Eran had come to change, tied it to the vulture, climbed into the bucket and went to their deaths.
Rajalakshmi was born on June 2, 1930, the fifth daughter of Kuttimalu Amma and Achyutamenon in the Amayangottu family home in Thekkat near Cherpulassery. After completing her degree in physics from Maharaja’s College and after graduating from Banaras Hindu University, she took to teaching and was quite a philanthropist. She was not attached to luxury or fame. Rajalakshmi would have celebrated her 93rd birthday today if she had lived.
Suicide often occurs among literary geniuses because of living with a corrupt mind. People who experience inner anguish beyond the psychological conflict seen in a normal person often turn their lives towards creative works. Therefore, history often repeats a void or confusion that occurs when searching for the reasons for their death. The reading that follows their return is of great value to those individuals. After their departure, the world sees their greatness, which was not seen and was not known for so long, and says hopelessly, if they had lived, there would have been so many more beautiful creations. Rajalakshmi is one such person.
He spent ten years of his 34 years of life writing literature. Rajalakshmi’s contribution to Malayalam literature is one long story, seven short stories, one prose poem and three novels. A literary writer who wrote very little in ten years. Even then, he won the Kerala Sahitya Akademi Award in 1968 for his novel ‘Oru Nishya and Kure Nizhalum’. The novel ‘Nhaanenna Bhavam’ and the long story ‘Makal’ left a distinct mark in the history of Malayalam literature.
In all the works of Rajalakshmi, who was an introvert, we see characters with a soul. Lonely and melancholy green men. Those who do not hesitate to express their feelings and concerns. All those characters who know yesterday’s pain, today’s futility and tomorrow’s meaninglessness are all opposites of Rajalakshmi herself.
Neeraja Chakraborty in the story ‘Aatmahatya’ is a character whose paranoia and longing are evident just like Rajalakshmi. Neeraja with a pearly white complexion, copper hair and cat eyes. She tells a story of depression in the dark and walking. She has a slim body and round handwriting. Rejected by her husband, Nirmala is a lonely mother in the story ‘Parajita’, who tortures herself to death when she becomes wretched inside. Mother of 7-year-old Rajeev, who would have been named Chitra if he had been born a girl. Like Rajalakshmi, they excel in studies. Eight years after her marriage, she came to do research in marine biology. She is disappointed when she realizes that she is nobody to her son, who keeps sending letters from the hostel. All the characters of Rajalakshmi feel that they are far away from the people.
Rama, a teacher in the story ‘Map’, who hides her face with an umbrella, believes that the most embarrassing pronoun is ‘I’. Anyone who has had to go through heart-burning experiences to seek solace can understand Rama. When the pain that lies within him is awakened by a student, Rama sets out to search the shores of solitude; Like Rajalakshmi.
In Rajalakshmi we see not only the shadow of fear but also the stillness of sacrifice. Sarada entered the Reader’s book stall clutching a small bag with three months worth of notes, but she was helpless despite seeing various green, white and red books around her. Unable to take the book worth 12 rupees, when he finally tries to escape by asking if there are Brothers Karamazov, he has to pray that he will not see it because of hunger at home. Named Charu, she has to face the question of her lover ‘don’t you love me’ with silence and finally she breaks down because of this unyielding world.
All the characters of Rajalakshmi are lovers of life. Seeking refuge from loneliness, they journey into the bitterness of life. When Rajalakshmi left with wounds in her heart, some relatives and friends accused her of portraying themselves in stories and novels. ‘I sat and watched for two years without writing a story. It can’t be because of me. If I sit down, I will still write the story. Who will be harmed by it? Let me go’, these are the words written by Rajalakshmi in a letter written to her elder sister.
Rajalakshmi bid farewell to life when she tried to adapt to the outside world and failed miserably. The departure of men who have turned the world’s depression into their own depression is often more disturbing than those who commit suicide for life and love. Ultimately, it turns out to be a waste.
As Paul Varghese wrote on the first page of a collection of Pushkin’s poems, to Rama the teacher in the story ‘Forgiveness’… ‘You closed the door when I came to kneel.’
Summary of Contents: Remembering Rajalakshmi and Her Literary Works on Her Birth Anniversary
